so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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