I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
