Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
