There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The beer is more important than you right now.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
