I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
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