I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
