roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
he's single and there are thong briefs.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
