I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
