At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
