I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
