So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
