I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
