i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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