Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
