We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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