im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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