I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
