Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
