We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Rumble strips road head = magical
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
