I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
