trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
