The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you will always have a special place in my vag
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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