Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
His hands were made for my vagina.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
BRING THE BAGELS
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
