Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
This can only be settled by a dance off.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
