I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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