Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize