You just made me feel so damn special
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
