i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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