i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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