dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
