I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
