It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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