So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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