Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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