I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
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