I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
