i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
