I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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