You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
bring money and cleavage
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
