just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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