theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
