I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
