Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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