Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
