that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
