My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Congratulations! We have a period
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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