Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
