I feel like abortions should bother me more
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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