you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
