you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
