i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
