Me too!
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm having to shit out rocks
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
