Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
