i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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