Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She's the barista slut.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
