yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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