when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Randomize
