Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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