dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
