Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
