The maid of honor just puked.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
