Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize