iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
