i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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