I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Randomize
